The Two Pound Freak Out

Today marks the completion of a full three weeks of reintroducing strength training back into my schedule.  After a significant time apart (due mostly to the surfing injury of last summer), I might have found a way to make it work for me--until I weighed myself this week.  All rational thought and knowledge informs me that a gain of two pounds is quite normal when beginning strength training (even for the millionth time).  But, for as analytical and logical as I am, it's taken me a few days, a conversation with my doctor, my health coach, a co-worker and a friend to accept it does not warrant cutting back on the calories.  The discussion actually ended up that I might not be getting enough calories, but we won't get into that... after all, after a several day craving, I indulged in a Reese Peanut Butter Cup--that has to count for something (aside from 210 calories).

Contributing to my freak out a week of high, unexplained anxiety and a day where I quite literally forgot to eat, which then turned into a reminder of that all powerful feeling of purposely not eating--just before I weighed in.  It didn't leave me in a good place for a while, struggling yesterday to not just have coffee for dinner. I did, much to my own surprise, recognize the rabbit hole I was getting into and found ways to break the pattern.  It surprised me, not that I recognized what I was doing, but that for so long I've been going along thinking things were "normal" but the ghosts of the past are still very much present, just lurking.

Tonight, ever aware of not only how easily it could be to slip into old bad habits, I still hate those two pounds and the inability to lift my arms without "feeling the burn."  I'm also ever aware that I set a 4-week goal, and there is only one more week until a massage.  It's all worth it.  Also worth it will be the day I don't have to fight to open non-automagical glass door (or I can attempt surfing again).  Until then, I'll just continue wearing my SuperGirl pjs because, after all, we all need a little boost.